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Smruti Bodhi

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He – She Stories

Not So Jealous Person

#heshestories


She – “Oh please, do what you want to, thinking that it will affect me is a delusion you like to swim in.”

He – “Really? are you saying Miss that you are not an obsessive, jealous, hostile, insecure to the core kind of person? because I recall something familiar you know.”

She – “Wow! you wish Ser.”

He – “Remember Diwali vacations of 2013? When I took you to that UPSC study workshop?”

She – “Yes, what of that?”

He – “Remember the poor girl you thrashed with your sass?”

I averted my gaze trying to avoid the incident I so vividly recalled.

  • Sigh *

So I remember that day… not the proudest thing to remember of course. Now I’m not a bad person; let’s say, not an unkind person but that day I ‘might’ have touched the threshold of it.

So we went to a class I had zero interest in but my guy here was drooling over it. He decided to take me as he was convinced it was ‘interesting’. I had to drag my poor legs from hostel to the never ending hellhole they call ‘class’.

In the scorching heat of afternoon we reached the classroom. Only a few people were there. Some looked like they had nothing to do, some as if this was the world to them and my favorite backbenchers “because papa said so”. Finally the class started and some 26ish lecturer entered. After his miserably failed attempts of trying to be “cool and funny” teacher he started talking about car and velocity and speed and calculations. My guy here sitting next to me was so engrossed that one might suspect he was falling for him. He kept scribbling things with haste on his notebook and every now and then would nudge me to do the same. In the beginning, I meekly submitted and scrawled words on the pages he lent me, but as the boredom increased with time I found myself glaring at him for getting me stuck there.

Finally the ceaseless lecture ended after an hour. An hour which felt like a century. Einstein was right, time indeed is relative.

As I continued finishing the sketch of our bald and french bearded professor which very conveniently I started during the class, I heard my guy talking to someone sitting on the bench behind us, I turned to see a girl, couple of years older than us, slightly greased faded hair, untied and longer than her shoulder, wearing glasses on a face so ordinary that you won’t recognize her without those glass in second meet. She looked like she had been giving these exams from forever, like that’s the motto of her life. I wonder if she even has a friend? Boyfriend is out of question. May be she eats the books too and drinks her tears in lonely nights…

Wait, what… what am I saying? She may not be “let’s be friends” kind of girl but she seems like a nice person. Why would I think like that about her? But just look at the way she’s talking, like she knows it all and what’s with HIM?? So excited as if he found another human being on an alien planet! Whatever… why should I bother with this “made of each other nerds”, he will come around anyway. Or, maybe I can give a mind blowing input to shush them up; anyhow, their voices were as annoying as chip and dale.”

I unclutched my hair and tossed them in the air, later taming them with my palms. Wow! I could easily pass for the “Mean Girls” movie securing the character of the girl in the middle.

What’s happening to me?

“Ahem! so… physics is tough, isn’t it?”, I said with an aura as if I have the solution.

“Physics? it’s Math dear.”, he replied suppressing a chuckle.

“No it isn’t. I studied in Science stream till 12th std. I’m pretty much sure how numerical problems in Physics look like.”, I retorted feeling a little unwelcomed.

“Umm… it’s Math actually.”, said the dweeb in her soft feathery voice, slightly smirking.

Her expression made me furious,

“If the battery is saying now then I’ll have to believe, won’t I?”

I snapped with an air of sarcasm covering it with a fake smile.

  • Awkward *

My guy hastily tried to handle the situation with a pitiful laugh and by calling me ‘funny’; I also smiled with my tightly shut lips blinking rapidly participating in the comfortable reality he wanted to paint.

 

“Is she your younger sister?”, the battery spoke again.

Sister?”, I questioned from the corner of my eye with one eyebrow raised, “that’s my boyfriend sweety.”

Her face after that is forever imprinted in my mind. I think she started to like my guy. A slight disappointment and guilt swarmed in her eyes. She immediately withdrew herself from the conversation and didn’t talk to him again. I sat there playing with my hair in a fashion I never did before, with an indifferent duckface I kept sizing up people, door, windows, duster… everything. Why was I acting so weird? My guy looked a little disappointed too; I shooed off his ‘buddy’ of course. So what? He has done the same with so many of my ‘buddies’ too and he did it out of insecurity, I wasn’t even jealous… was I?


He – “Remember the poor girl you thrashed with your sass?”

Hello? There?

She – “Ye.. yup, was… watching the flashback.”

He – “Ohh!”

She – “Hmm..”

He – “So… do we agree?”

She – “At what?”

He – “That… you’re as jealous, neurotic, pathologically lover obsessed person as I’m over you?”

She – “Umm… aren’t you overselling it a little?”

He – “Nope!”

She – “Yes you are!”

He – “Nope!”

She – “Maybe to a certain degree… Yes, I behaved like an impolite and uncivilized person but with that experience I have learned and matured. That was the first time I experienced insecurity like that and now I understand the reason behind it. I have worked hard to become the person I am, I have literally customized myself. Basically I’m not a jealous person, I couldn’t recognize this emotion and I have always been when you met my friends or your female friends but… she was different. We are not alike okay, but she was exactly like you. I’m smart, I’m intelligent but I can’t remember a book they way she could have had and even if I know that I’m a better and more balanced version of what that dork can ever dream to be, she was exactly like you and I know how we choose partners; we don’t want a better person but someone who’s alike… and that double lens battery freak was what…”

“Wow, so much for “learning from experience”, he said whooping with laughter.

 

TheEnd

#heshestories

 

Copyright©2018 Smruti Bodhi

All rights reserved.

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Because it Hurts…!

He:- Creatures like us… we don’t have another option. We can either be Great or miserable for someone… and here I’m desperately trying to balance both as it falls back.

She:- Hmmm… so what would you choose? Be the one or blend like the rest?

He:- I don’t know… what do you think?

She:- I think about how you feel… how do you feel?

He:- I feel… I feel hollow. I feel like a crack on a glass window, that is how people picture me coming. I feel… I feel like I can do a lot many things but I can’t… coz I don’t want to. I’m capable to do so but I don’t want to. Why do I not want to? There’s something which stops me… something which doesn’t allow me to stay happy. Why, why can’t I be like others… stable, calm like an evening sea. Why there is so much inside… a storm always on a hunt… why??

She:- Because that’s not what you are. You’re the force… which pushes the world with his energy. You’re a storm, destined to bring peace, later…. you shall not feel bad about what you are, you’re what you are, your aim is what it is!

He :- I feel lonely, you understand? I don’t want this, I never asked for this-”

She :- and yet you became that. Our thoughts shapes our actions and actions shapes our personality… are you sure you never wanted this?

He :- I… I just never thought I would feel this… it feels so… so..

She :- Real?

He :- Yes…

She :- Lol, so Alice, waiting for your wonderland or something?

He :- Shut up you! I didn’t came to you so you can mock me too. You’re the only one  who can understand me well, always been. Help me dear…

She :- Uhh, spare me from this lifeguru trouble, at least now?

He :- Nope! Tell me what to do?

She :- Kill yourself!

After some time…

He stared at her photo on the wall as he dragged the knife over his neck. A longing smile on his face was there and eyes watered with regret.
Been years she died,

still gave the best advice.

Loneliness.

HE :- “Breaking up with you because staying alone is what you like, what you prefer… freeing you at last.”


A few days later her body was found dangling from the ceiling fan in her cold apartment; words scribbled on her wall were…

“….alone not lonely!”

Why Tomboys will always remain single!

She saw him sitting in the library, couldn’t take her eyes off him. He noticed. She noticed that he noticed. Shit! No, I won’t. 
Hardly 10 seconds had passed and here were her eyes trailing his torso again. Uhhhh! He caught me again.

Dumbo dumbass dumbshit! Can’t you be a little careful?

Out of curiosity, he came near her. Some excuse of switchboard it was. With a hesitation in his tone and nervousness in his eyes, he tried to break a small talk.

She :- Umm I… I know what you’re thinking and also what you’re thinking that I’m thinking but I just want to tell you that it’s nothing like what you’re thinking that I was thinking because what I was thinking is way out of your imagination of what I was thinking…
.

.

.

 I was just… I… I really like your shirt you know and I’m a sucker for cheks… can you, can you tell me where you bought it from, like the shop? Or is it available online? Does it come in black too? tell me it does,

 please”

Dragon got tamed…

That one feral child,

Who always lived free in wild,

Got caught from her own kind,

Left confusing questions in her mind.


Experienced her first human touch,

Was she feeling too much?

No no, this is different

Different from the rest,

His welcomes were exciting but goodbyes felt painful, was nature on some weird quest?


She craved, craved the feeling of being around him, always longed his presence, even waited for him at places once they met.

She couldn’t contain it, it was excruciating,  she broke the boundaries of her wild kingdom and rushed to castle where he was heard to be found.

She fought the soldiers, got stabbed on chest, held captive for a week before stumbling onto him…

Him… here he was! ‘Prince’ is what they referred him as… she didn’t understand, she didn’t care, for he was her other half, result of her prayers.

What is this attachment, what is it supposed to mean?

She didn’t understand any of it, just followed her instincts…

Was it love or pity, but Prince showed some kindness, kept her in castle, claiming her as “one of” his mates.

It was hard, she knew it in her bones,

this wasn’t her life, her people she wanted around,

It was different, painful, agitating, senseless.

She yelled and cried and begged and hurt people but could neither stay nor live.


One day, finally she decided to go back where she belonged, her kingdom, her home but one sentence from the prince melted her heart, “please dear, don’t leave me alone.”

So she stayed, knowing the mistake she was making, knowing what she would go through.

She changed herself, forced to look compatible, suitable for the prince, was always on alert if she’s not making prince feel more ashamed,

She murdered her soul for love, butchered her feelings but all people could see, people could say was,

Finally, the dragon got tamed!

Calm Fire, Burning Sea: A Tale

One dark night, near a beach, ignited FIRE in the form of bonfire, surrounded by youngsters, hooting and cheering!


FIRE :- “Yow yow, so looks like the humans have called me ag…. shit! Not again…”

The moment fire opened his eyes, he saw a very angry Sea… rumbling hoarsely wearing a scary frown on her forehead, eyes fixed on Fire.


SEA :- “So you came again! To over power me I guess. Even after uncountable encounters and failures you have faced, you haven’t learned anything, have you?”


“Nonono, no no Sea. I’m innocent as always you see. I mean no destruction, no violence I promise, these humans have created me for their amusement not to burn more trees!”

, said Fire in a childlike tone.

“You think I’m stupid, Don’t you dear fire? Last time we met you burnt all the circuit wires.

Always I have to rescue, I’m fed up of this work; more than running in waves, I’m crammed in hosepipes, my life  sucks!”

, finished Sea with a tinge of anger and disappointment.


“I-I-I-I’m very sorry sorry sea. You know I’m a toddler who often makes mistakes, but humans don’t handle me well, not even for their sake. 

What shall I do? I don’t mean to cause trouble, but destruction is what my nature is, how long can I control it? ,without help and proper supervision.” , said Fire submissively. Continue reading “Calm Fire, Burning Sea: A Tale”

Memories…

​Because memories makes me sad…” , she said complaining.

He :- “C’mon… aren’t they supposed to cheer us up?”

She :- ” Are they?”

He :- “Dear, I’m talking about the good ones…”

She :- “So am I…”, she replied with a sigh.

Kill me when I’m Dead!

My dear 60 crossed Life Partner,

Please kill me when I’m Dead!


There you’re sitting on the chair, beside my hospital bed,

Holding my hands, which are technically living but you know they’re life less.

See how far have we come, in the journey we started long back,

The promise you did to stay till the end with me, you have fulfilled, then why are you still sad?

Brushing my white hair with your fingers, as I lay here with oxygen mask covered my mouth,

You’re waiting for me to wake up eagerly, but the drop from your eye which just rolled down knows the reality.

df

I know it’s hard for you but doctor told you how I’m almost dead,

so please unplug the life support machine and free me from this humiliating miserable fate.

I’m asking for a lot, asking you to take my life, I know but you know I’m selfish,

I want to cause you pain, you to cry, you to feel devastated for a while.

old

Why?

Because now you have hope sweetheart, you have wish but slowly it will fade,

When you won’t see me recover for a long time, someday you will wish if I were simply dead…

I don’t want that, I don’t want your last feelings for my breathing soul to be that,

I want to feel loved, to feel missed by you, not relief inside your heart covered with overt grief.

So my dear, my love, I know enough has already been said,

But please show some mercy when the time comes,

Give me the pain I deserve and kill me when I’m Dead…

♦♦♦♦♦

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